How do you communicate?
MINDFUL MOMENTS # 125
This week, I’ve been thinking - in various ways and various guises - about the ways in which we communicate.
I’ve met quite a few new people recently - through hobbies, mostly - and it’s interesting noticing communication styles as we get to know people. We ask questions, right? We want to get to know each other. We let people into our lives, piece by piece; we give them clues about our day - everything from what we did and what we ate through to our emotional state.
You may have guessed it by now (through the secret medium that is this blog…), but I’m a sharer. However, I’m keen to pause and say that I haven’t always been like this. I used to keep much more to myself; I think I was afraid to be honest. This is partly, of course, because some things were previously too difficult to talk about (losing my dad) but, ironically, difficult things become easier to bear when we start talking about them (losing my dad). I used to also want to present a version of myself to others that was great and fine and edging on perfection, and there were only one or two people in the world who needed to actually know the truth…Suffice to say, that’s a stifling, limiting, exhausting and lonely way to be. We’ve talked about this before, here, and no doubt we’ll talk about it again, but when we are open with others, it gives them permission to be open with us.
Is your communication one-sided, or two?
As I get older, I meet more and more people who just want to talk on the phone. Forget this whole text thing; forget weeks of back-and-forth messages; let’s do this “old school”. I hadn’t really thought about it until today, but the words ‘community’ and ‘communication’ have the same Latin roots. Communication is the cornerstone of community. When we communicate well with others, we are building our sense of community; of belonging and oneness and support. We need voices and facial expressions and context.
A friend and I were having a discussion this week about the merits and pitfalls of voicenotes. I think I’m pretty selfish with voicenotes. I use them mostly when I’m feeling particularly energised and hyped-up about something and they tend to come out as a kind of over-enthusiastic diary entry. I think they work best if you’re trying to explain something a bit complicated, like which station exit to use when you get off the train next weekend when you’re coming to visit and where I’ll be waiting. In essence, voicenotes are one-sided: I can’t interrupt you or stop to ask questions, and you can’t pause to gauge my reaction or facial expressions. I don’t know about you, but I have a strange resistance to listening to them, so it becomes even more one-sided (is that because I have no idea what is going to be said and my avoidant nature kicks in?).
I don’t think we can rely solely on Whatsapp messaging to see us through. There’s a reason face-to-face interactions are so much more fulfilling and meaningful. We are meant to live in community. We are meant to talk and listen and empathise and nod or shake our heads and interrupt and offer soothing murmurings or touch. We can support gaps in our human interaction with instant messaging, but we can’t replace it. I’ve written “in praise of old school” before, and I’ll happily write about it again.
Pick up the phone. Meet for a coffee. Travel (responsibly) to see an old friend. Being in community is one of the greatest safeguards we have against depression, loneliness, anxiety and fatigue.
Mindful moment: How do you communicate? What is the quality of your day-to-day communication? Do you like voicenotes, and why? Do you dislike phone calls, and why? We can understand ourselves better when we understand how we communicate. How might you improve?
YOGA
Mindful Movement with Laura
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REFLECT
And a quote I’m thinking about this week…
“You feel love until somebody says something you don’t like, and then you give up the love.
You feel enthused about your job until someone criticises something, and then you want to quit.
It’s your choice. You can either close because you don’t like what happened, or you can keep feeling love and enthusiasm by not closing.
As long as you are defining what you like and what you don’t like, you will open and close. You are actually defining your limits. You are allowing your mind to create triggers that open and close you.
Let go of that. Dare to be different. Enjoy all of life.”
- Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul
Mindful moment: I thought a lot about this when I was on the music course last week: instead of feeling nervous and freezing up, I’ll make the choice to remain open. The same applies to communication: keep open; stop closing. It’s normal to feel afraid when communication is lacking and, much like a spiny hedgehog, our instinct is to curl up and retreat. Instead, keep open, not closed; keep being brave and loving. This way you’ll probably find that things keep flowing.
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Welcome to the Community.
I'm Laura, a yoga teacher and NHS doctor. With this weekly newsletter I aim to help you incorporate mindful moments into your week. I want you to feel inspired, empowered and creative. I promise to always be authentic; to only include content that speaks to me and which, therefore, I hope will do the same for you.
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Thank you for reading! Until next time, Laura x