The green-eyed monster
MINDFUL MOMENTS # 138
A wise friend recently said these words to me: “All jealousy is really insecurity” and I remember thinking (the idea burglar that I am) that I would love to write about this and explore it more.
People often say to ‘meditate on something’, a concept I’ve not yet got to grips with. To me, that’s dedicating time to thinking about something, rather than it being meditation. Regardless, I suppose, my version of “meditating-on” is “writing about”.
Now that we’ve got those all-important semantics out of the way, what comes to mind for you when I say the word ‘jealousy’? To me, I think of bitterness, cruel side-eye glares and an immediate dislike that is founded on a childlike reaction, rather than anything substantive. There is a resentment, an anger or hostility. It often comes as a surprise to us: why do I feel like this? We may be aware of the disproportionality of our emotions.
I’m reminded of that wonderful Buddha quote: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
I think we’d all agree that jealousy isn’t a pleasant emotion to experience - nor to witness in someone else. But, in the spirit of mindfulness, every emotion, feeling or part of us - however much we dislike it - is there for a reason and battling against the green-eyed monster will only give it strength.
Instead, let’s think about what that part of us is trying to tell us? How is it trying to protect us? What can we learn from it?
So often, jealousy shines a light on something we really want. It sheds light on what we desire and we can use this to inform our knowledge about ourselves. Think about the last time you felt jealous. It doesn’t need to be a big moment - a kind of '“thou shalt not covet your neighbour’s wife” sort of affair - but maybe you just saw someone in the street wearing some nice trainers.
Okay, nice trainers, we can work with that.
Maybe you just would like some new shoes. Maybe the way that person was wearing them made you feel on some level “not good enough”. Maybe you started to feel insecure about what you have and how you look. And maybe it’s not really about the shoes at all. Maybe you were just feeling anxious that day because of x, y and z that was happening at work, and you saw the shoes and it was another reminder of how you’re not doing well enough. You start dreaming about Version You, 2.0 and those new shoes really just felt like step one of your upgrade.
This will pass. Most jealousy is fleeting. In fact, most emotions are fleeting. They’re unreliable and slightly impish. We don’t need to take them too seriously all the time.
Is all jealousy insecurity? I’m not going to list all the ways in which you could go about addressing the insecure parts of yourself - mostly because I don’t want to just be an advice monster and also because you probably know for yourself the things that would help you to regain your sense of self. Also, maybe it’s okay that you feel insecure from time to time?
P.S. None of us is exempt from experiencing jealousy. It’s part of the normal human condition. You can imagine it would serve a purpose in our evolutionary history. So, maybe it’s okay that you feel jealous from time to time?
Mindful moment: All our thoughts, feelings and emotions have as much value as we choose to place on them. If feelings are persistent or recurrent, sit down with them. What are they trying to tell you about what you value; what you desire for yourself; what you want to invite more of into your life and what you want to let go of?
YOGA
Mindful Movement with Laura
Join us every Saturday from 11am-12.15 at the Cornerstone Community Centre in Hove for an all-levels vinyasa yoga flow class, meditation and mindfulness (mats provided or bring your own). £6 per class or £24 for 5.
Upcoming classes:
Dec 2nd, 9th, 16th
REFLECT
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today -
it’s already tomorrow in Australia”
- Charles Schulz
Mindful moment: I heard this quote randomly earlier in the week and I’ve thought about it several times since. I enjoy the dark, sardonic humour. It provides a lovely little get-out-of-jail-free card on those days where things don’t seem to be going to plan. Akin to Gone With The Wind’s “after all, tomorrow is another day”, sometimes we just need to accept things for how they are today, let go of all the things that did or didn’t happen, and start anew tomorrow.
P.S. Happy December! Give thanks to November, let go of what did or didn’t happen and choose to start again.
Have we met?
Welcome to the Community.
I'm Laura, a yoga teacher and NHS doctor. With this weekly newsletter I aim to help you incorporate mindful moments into your week. I want you to feel inspired, empowered and creative. I promise to always be authentic; to only include content that speaks to me and which, therefore, I hope will do the same for you.
If you enjoyed reading this, then please consider sharing it with a friend!