Pointing the finger
MINDFUL MOMENTS # 152
I apologise for not writing last week - I woke up feeling quite anxious, and wasn’t able to carve out the hour I needed to write. Instead, I slept a little more, did a breathwork practice and then got to work early. It helped, but I missed writing! I felt a little guilty and half-baked ideas have been cooking in my mind ever since… Those times you wake up feeling a little anxious, what do you do? What helps? I’m grateful to have a little balcony, and I find just opening the door and sticking my head out into the fresh air first thing offers a really cleansing, calming, mindful moment.
Over the last week, I have been thinking about the value of opposites. We spoke about it a little when I returned from Costa Rica - about how every emotion has another side to the coin - but I suppose I’ve been thinking more about the role we play as individuals and how it’s important we see both sides of the story.
I remember in school how each assembly had to have some sort of moral message, fable-like in its delivery. I distinctly remember someone telling us about how when you point the finger, you have three fingers pointing back at you. (Were you ever told that one?)
I think it’s actually a great lesson. As confronting and uncomfortable as it is, it’s important that we notice the three fingers we’ve got pointing back at us. As much as we might outwardly place blame or annoyance, it’s equally - if not more - important to consider our own role.
This was a thought sparked by something I read on James Clear’s 3-2-1 newsletter last week, in which he quoted writer Conor Barnes (unknown to me):
“Selfish people should listen to advice to be more selfless; selfless people should listen to advice to be more selfish”.
Have you been in a situation recently where you felt that the other person was being selfish with your time? Did you consider that perhaps you were being too selfless with your time? Conversely, some of us may spend too much time pointing the finger towards ourselves, berating ourselves for not being good enough - in whatever domain we may be struggling with - without considering factors other than ourselves that might be playing a part.
Have you been criticising yourself for all the reasons you feel stressed or anxious, and not having compassion for the stress we cannot control: the environmental stress, the attention-deficit-driving pace of modern life?
Perhaps you have been unwell and consider it all to be your fault, for not being fit enough, or eating healthily enough? Perhaps you have been unwell and didn’t acknowledge your role in it at all?
I think it’s important to point out that we are not here to be in the business of allocating blame, guilt, or overwhelming ourselves with ‘shoulds’. We are just taking a step back and acknowledging our part in events, as much as we acknowledge the role of others - and vice versa - so that we can maintain a healthy perspective and a balanced approach to life, work and relationships.